"Just another night"

Saturday was a great day, sun was shinning, birds were singing, and Dirt Ball was all pumped up for his date with Diamond. (not her Christian name) He did give me the heads up by saying that it was probably going to be a group thing with her and some of her friends, but I knew if he went solo we would have a great story today. So here it is.

DB met Diamond at Bennigans then her friends started showing up 1 at a time every 5 minutes until Candy (not her Christian name either) showed up. (Little back story, Candy and Diamond have hooked up before and are good friends) So Candy and Diamond start exchanging eyes from across the table and DB picks up on this so he suggests a change of scenery and they hit up another bar. DB realizes that if he is going to turn this chick back to loving the cock, he is going to have to get her very very drunk. This is pretty much standard operating procedure for any situation that involves girls out of DB’s league anyway. So DB’s plan is going swimmingly and he has Diamond hammered by 10 o’clock so much so that he is trying to cut her off. 10:30 rolls around and Diamond needs a ride home, I wonder who gave her one? So they pull up to her house and DB gets invited in, She gives him the same old story DB has heard a thousand times, “I really like you, so I don’t think we should hook up tonight.” DB is heartbroken and gives up, gets in his car and drives back to the bar where he finds Candy waiting patiently for his return. DB plays it off, and starts pounding beers trying to numb the pain from the blue balls Diamond had just given him.

Last call comes around Candy lays claim to the seat right next to DB and asks him if he would take her home for a few beers and some conversation. DB knows what she wants and actually hesitated which is really out of character for him, but says “Candy you are going to get me in trouble.” Candy replies “no, we’ll just have a few beers and talk.” Well you aren’t going to have to ask DB a third time. It was all over except the confrontation on the Springer show.

After the deed was done 4 times, (I guess DB can perform better when he isn’t with a
total skank like TPH.) Candy says “I think I am going to have to tell Diamond about this.” DB fires back with “I don’t think that is such a good idea.” “But I’m not a good liar.” says Candy. So DB justifies with “you don’t have to lie, just don’t tell her.”

This goes on and on throughout the morning and ends with her saying she is probably going to tell Diamond the truth. DB is heart broken by this cause Diamond is really hot. So all day at work today Db has been throwing out offers to take Diamond out, tonight, Wednesday, Tuesday, Friday, Saturday, but Diamond has shut down every one.

I wonder why?