Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Snapper Hunters Balck Listed out of Men's League

5 Excuses Why the Snapper Hunters will not be allowed in the Sioux Falls Men’s A Hockey League.

1. League is full.
2. Some players like playing 4 weeks in a row then having a week off.
3. You’re a Hot Head, and there is no fighting in this league.
4. There is a limited amount of ice time Sunday nights
5. It would be a lot of work to schedule a game with refs on any other night of the week.

My reply to all excuse.

1. That’s bullshit, you're trying to black list me.
2. Anybody who can’t play 5 weeks in a row is too fucking old to play the game anyway.
3. Ok, that’s fine, but I’m gona pick up with another team and shove it down your fucking throat.
4. Fuck that, schedule a game at 11pm.
5. So you are telling me, that cause you’re a lazy and don’t want to do the work to get refs and ice time at 9pm on Monday nights I can’t have a team in the league. Alright But I am now going to have to boycott The Hockey Headquarters.(I didn’t really have a good answer to that, But really someone who wants to sell hockey equipment should be holding any league back)

The guy running the league owns The Hockey Headquarters and is a huge duesch.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

I might go to Hell for telling this story like this.

I’m not as PC as most people. I like to call things how I see them even at inappropriate times, which is why I refer to my boss as the Dirt Ball, because that is what he is. I can assure you things will not be different in this story. It was a Sunday Afternoon and I was at work like every other weekend. I happened to helping a customer who is a friend of mine and the Dirt ball was stalking some high school girl on Myspace.com. Then all of the sudden a Retard (Mentally Handicap) guy came running in the store ahead of his “normal” guardians. He makes it past me by giving me one of the most believable head jukes I have ever seen in my life and heads to the back of the store. He’s doing a little speed browsing so I figure he will be alright while DB assists the Norms with him. Somewhere in his browsing he stopped by our desk and was perusing a magazine which my cell phone happened to be right next to. I didn’t think twice about it cause usually tards are good natured people always ready to lift a helping hand, but not this one, this was a Dirty filthy stealing Tard. This shit throwing bed wetter jacked my phone right out from under me. When I finally realized what he had done and that my phone was no where to be found I called my phone several times praying for him to answer with “Have you seen my baseball?” to which I would have replied give me my F’n phone back you no good stealing tard. But that unfortunately never happened. So I moved to plan B and that was to text him hoping he can read. My first text, no joke was “If you have my phone, call (###-####) I will pay you cash for it.” This Tard was slick though and didn’t fall for it because he wasn’t going to get shit from me anyway. Then DB came up with an almost ingenious plan. He said I should offer Ice Cream as a reward because Tards love ice cream. So my second text to him was “If you bring me back my phone I’ll buy you all the Ice cream you can eat!!!” but he didn’t fall for that one either. So my last text with DB’s phone was “I know who you are and where you live, I’m coming to get my phone back. P.S. I’m gona take your baseball.”

Honestly I don’t hate Mentally Handicap People.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

For those of you who don’t know The Drunk (A former roommate of the Fart Bunker) has been coaching week long hockey camps throughout the Rockies this summer and camping on the weekends with his coaching crew. TD has been so kind to give me a few calls over the summer and fill me in on his exploits. His most recent story came with a picture. I am not at liberty to elaborate on the story but the caption on the picture should be enough for you to draw your own conclusions.

TD and his life partner Ruley enjoying their

Friday, July 21, 2006

5 ways to tell that The Dirt Ball is in a Serious relationship!!!!

5. He tries to keep the girl a secret from only his closest friends.
(There's no Skank underneith that blanket)

4. He skiped his regular bowling night to watch The Notebook with her.

3. He talks about the girl constantly at work cause he loves telling his co-workers how big of a slut he hooked up with last night.

2. He hasn't given her the shocker cause he wants her respect.
(not an actual picture of her ass)

1. He ordered Midget Porn for her cause she thinks it would be fun to watch.

(Bidget The Midget)

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

“He got a couple lucky punches in but I still feel I won the fight!”

It didn’t take long for the Dirt Balls man whoring to catch up with him Deuce Bigalow style. Yep, I said it, The Dirt Ball finally made it to the line and then he crossed it with this really tough guy who will go by the name Secret Admirer.

It all started when old DB hooked up with Candi, you see Diamond finally found out about that little rendezvous and wasn’t too happy about the whole deal, but in DB’s words “Hey we were never dating, you have nothing to be mad about.”

The truth of the matter is Diamond didn’t really care that DB hooked up with her best friend; she finally found out what kind of a duesch bag he is was probably pretty happy to see him go. The real trouble started when Candi’s “Secret Admirer” found out about DB’s indiscretions and wanted to bring pain and suffering to DB’s life. (Cause you see, you don’t go and screw some girl that some guy likes, even though that girl doesn’t like that guy in that way, and makes her own decisions about who she wants to screw or not, cause that shit is wrong) So was this Secret admirer man enough to step into the ring with the Dirt Ball? Hell No. He had one of his friends call and threaten and DB with an ass kicking. Well anybody who knows the Dirt Ball, knows he doesn’t stand for unchecked aggression and idol threats. And all it took for DB to call this guy on his obvious bluff was a night of Pay Per View UFC, and a phone call. Needless to say this tough guy showed up at the Free Pay Per View event and called DB outside. Always the thinker DB had a friend hold his glasses and goes out blind to fight this big big righty.

The whole thing kind of started out a little weird, DB and this tough guy met outside the bar which should mean the an instant right to the nose for this tough guy but DB lets the guy think about what he is going to do and the 2 of them start walking across the street, then across a parking lot, then across another street, then across another parking lot. I personally didn’t understand it, that retard should have been wearing his nose on the left side of his face the instant he started walking across the first street, but I guess DB wanted to give him a chance (What a stand up guy). When they finally reached the fence at the end of the 2nd parking lot and the 2 pussies realized that if it was going to happen it was going to happen then, they both start throwing hey makers. DB was so open through the whole fight he looked like Butter Bean (Minus the knock out power, technique, and the belt of course). In the opening round this tough guy got Db on the ground and wedged in between a bumper of a truck and a parking lot curb, this should have been all this guy needed to end this thing but DB used his quick think ability (which is what got him into the fight in the first place) and kindly asked the guy if he would let him get up. I was dumbfounded when this moron did exactly that. This guy had the fight won but showed so little respect for DB’s tough guy attitude that he let him get up just so he could toy with him a little more. DB is on his feet now immediately throwing punches and tough guy backs DB up against another truck and the 2 exchange some close quarter punches which ends with an extremely loud and an extremely painful punch to DB’s left eye that bloodied him fairly bad and almost closed his eye completely.

I did have to hand it to DB though, it is not everyday a guy stands up and takes a beating for sleeping with a girl that some guys friend really likes. I think it was totally worth it.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Next stop Peggy

As everyone already knows Snapper Hunter has been in a drought. This drought has lasted so long he’s starting to remind me of a movie I just saw. Last night he went to an all time low, he called “the stupidest girl he’s ever met” you know the one that told him to stop being a dickhead. He called her SOBER and invited her to come to Sioux Falls. After she accepted his offer there was a glow coming off of him. I looked over at him and he had a permanent grin from ear to ear. He looked like a six year old kid on his way to buy a new puppy. He was supposed to go out with some other people last night however little SH needed a sure thing. So instead of a fun night of drinking and partying he chose to spend the night sipping a couple cold ones and sitting in the hot tub with his little pumpkin. As the night progressed he got a little buzz, and then decided to move in for the kiss, where he was immediately shut down. She said, “I thought we were just going to hang out as friends”. Well SH can’t stand being around this girl at all, the only reason he does it is to get laid well now that’s not going to happen. So he continues to get drunk and strike out several more times until they go to bed together and cuddle throughout the night. Although he didn’t get any ass, I for one am glad to see that he’s in love again. He has now giving his personal guarantee that he will never call her again. But as we all know we’ve heard that story several times before. SH has had a hard couple of weeks. First the “hold my purse” incident, then the “wedding flop”, and now shot down hard by a sure thing. What else can he do? I think we need to pool our resources and find Peggy’s number, surely not even he could fuck that one up.

Sincerely Dirt Ball

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

"There was hair pulling, crying, name calling and shit!!!"

Last night Diamond busted The Dirt Ball and Candy making out by the keg during a 4th Party she was throwing. Obviously a cat fight ensued, there was hair pulling, crying, name calling and shit, it was classic. The best part, it was inspired by DB and his self absorbed quest to sleep with every Bus station skank alive, and I mean every one, from the loneliest bus station skank to the most highest-class debutante sophisticated highly educated Bus station skank. So after the cat fight was over and both girls were crying in some quite corner of the party DB did what any self respecting man would do. He left and called candy on her cell to see if she wanted to hook up! Well played sir!!!

This is the Text Db received this morning:
Just so it’s perfectly clear.....I don’t want u to try and contact me again. Ever. Diamond

Touché!!! Diamond. Touché!!!