Ding, Ding. "Hey DB quit playing contra, its your turn."

Those of you who know this joke should feel free to share it with the rest of us on the comment board.

My hats off to Jorge

Our favortie perma-student has been set up on a date, with what he thinks is a hot, dumb, easy girl. Little does he know the Yetti is just fucking with him. Obviously any girl desperate enough to go out with RT is no prize. Either she has extremely low self-esteem or she’s depressed because she just got fired from her Sea World job where she made a living jumping for fish. Jorge has informed me the problem with her is the Sea World job. Apparently this girl is so big she is no longer allowed at The Royal Fork Buffet and she can’t wear real pants. I applaud RT he is still going to go out with her. I always thought he was a shallow man whore, but now I know he’s not shallow.

So where do you take an out of water baby whale you might ask? RT or the Casanova of Sioux Falls as I like to call him is going to take her to Rib Fest. Not only will he feed her an obscene amount of BBQ pig, but you can bet your ass he’ll get her drunk. “The drunker they are the less they fight back”, said RT. If the poor girl gets too wasted it will surely be “Taylor Time”.

Sincerely, DB

One Night In BangCock

It was a dark and Lonely night in Brookings Sd I had just takin my last dose of medication for herpes when a certian, Dirt Ball Came to town to have some fun and get some Action. The Plan was reall simple, Get some drinks hit on some girls and get laid, and if that failed institute plan B, call some gilrs that have been willing in the past, like a certain girl from White, and the always willing Finger Trap. Dirt Ball was just gona have to prey that he would get recption up in the boonies of SD.

The night progresses swimmmingly Drinks are flowing, girls are plentiful and DB is in prime form. The Bars close early that cold December night, and plan A failed, Plan B is full swing. The old Cell Phone is heating up as DB is Frantically dialing Fringer Trap, ( who by the way failed to complete the trifecta by slleping with DB and his 2 brothers in 3 consecutive nights, she went 2 for 3) Here is the recorded Transcript of that legandary call.
Dirt Ball: Finger Trap, what’s up?

Finger Trap: DB, do you know what time it is?

Dirt Ball: 2:15 why?

Finger Trap: Cause I’m sleeping with my boyfriend right now. Why are you calling me?

Dirt Ball: I want to get laid obviously.

Finger Trap: umm, I don’t think tonight is going to work for me, I already have my boyfriend and his best friend in bed with me.

Dirt Ball: I understand but it’s not like I’m asking you to take part in a DVDA. (Double Vaginal double anal)

Finger Trap: We don’t have enough guys for that anyway.

Dirt Ball: True, alright Finger Trap I’m gona be straight with you, I will push your shit in.

Finger Trap: Click.

Dirt Ball: Fuck, Well here goes plan C.

DB's plan C was nothing Shy of brilliant. He decided to hit up the futon in the Fart Bunker where he would have a great view in TPH's room. He put on his best smile and tried to look appealing to a girl who just came home from a night of heavy drinking. TPH resisted as best she could by going into her room and going to sleep but she just couldn't bring herself to close her door. Just as DB susspected she couldn't resist. So with his quick thinking he comes up with the perfect line for the situation, I believe it went something like this.

Dirt Ball: TPH, you want me to come in there.

TPH: Is that the best you’ve got?

Dirt Ball: Yep!

TPH: Ok.

And with that, the night was a sucess for the ODB.

"But she had a great Body" DB 1:19 5/28/06

Comment of the Day: "You know what Ryan, Ugly girls all look the same with the lights off." This was the Dirt Balls comment this morning when I started giving him shit for taking home a girl with a chin that gets used at Z-Kota grill to scoop their ice cream. She looked like The Man in the Moon from the McDonalds commercial from back in the day.

50/50 NIGHT!!!!!

Almost had My first sale of the week to a 21 yr old gilr wearing a short skirt, Weird!!! I didn't close the deal on the bed but I did get her and her hunchbacked friend to come bowling with Dirt Ball (my boss) and Myself. We bowled a few games then decided to finish the night with a few shots at the Crow Bar, but before we could leave we needed to have a little contest to see who was going to buy the first round. DB threw it out there saying he could pick up 20 pins in the tenth frame, not 20 points but 20 pins. He spared the first ten pins, so he needed a strike on his next ball which he threw and i'm not contesting that but while throwing the ball he not only crossed the line but took a couple of steps down the lane. I explained to him how we were bowling and how we weren't in Nam and that there were rules. DB didn;t seem to care and kept his hands in the air as he drawled over the hunchback. I Also threatend him by explaining to him how he was entering a world of Pain but nothing was going to ruin his celebration and soften his raging hard on for quasemoto.

Off to the Crow Bar and a couple of YagBombs with redheaded slut chaser for The Yetti who was toting his big tited with with him. ( if I lost anyone there The Yetti is a friend of TD's who goes by the Handle of Jorge, who's an absolute crazy fucker) I was amazed that TY's Wife not only had a Kid with him but even talks to him. When she introduced herself to me she claimed to be one of his girlfriends that his wife doesn't know about. So i played dumb till Yetti came back and set the story straight. Favorite part of the Night, Yetti's big tited wife tells me about one of her friends she wants to set me up with and her description of this young lady is she's not very smart but really hot and she'll toatlly do you.

Have a Great Memorial Day!!

Intern Wanted!!!!

An Internship for a Pirate-Hooker is currently available at Castaways Bar and Grill. Qualified candidates should posses a casual moral attitude (slutty), be well versed in oral copulation techniques and situations. Be willing to insert objects, large and sometimes unusual (small animals, ex: Aardvarks, footballs, ping-pong balls, and maybe a cantaloupe or two) into all orifices. Must be into men, women and midgets alike. Must have own transportation preferably a donkey, so it can be used in the show which she will perform every friday night. All candidates should posses a registered fungal free axe wound with the proper documentation. Bull Dykes need not apply.

Pictured on the right was our last intern who retired after 20 years of service. the Donkey she is holding was named Charles and was sired by her Favorite Donkey of all time which was named Frombowski. We do not discrimanate against age here at castaways but we would like to see applications from Pirate hookers who are much youngetr then our last intern.

The Pirate Hookers D&D Card

The name : Captain Anne Bunny is found after a female pirate named Anne Bonny. The picture is painted by Clyde Caldwell taken from his webpage http://www.clydecaldwell.com/index2.html
I love the pirate theme and have one deck that builds on the theme. I think this card I missing in my deck. I would rather have this than the Exploding Tweezle ; ).
I don't think it's too powerful, because you have to use her as a command card to get the effect. And in a (my) Pirate deck she is very expensive to use as such. The second effect is against Super Model and similar card. I think that pirates under her command doesn't care about (other) girls, would you ; ).
Nicklas Akerman

WARNING: CHECK THE ATTITUDE AT THE DOOR

Hey Pirate Hooker, tone the attitude down a little bit. TD called earlier and said you have been giving him the cold shoulder lately, and has no idea why. Also Justin said he is finally over you, and he admits that it did take him longer then ussual to complete the healing process, but he really wants to be invited to yours and TD's wedding.

Graduation

The Mystic Cowboys have been locked into play The Garduation party of Everyone living at the Fart Bunker. More info will be available soon, till the Check out their Web site at http://www.themysticcowboys.com/